So this was my food stash from Sprouts last weekend. It certainly wasn’t a cheap score, coming in at approximately $135, but it was yet another hopeful start to my weight loss attempt. I say hopeful only because although I have the best intentions with food, one thing usually leads to another and it all gets sabotaged.
My wedding day was in December of 2014. It’s now Summer of 2018. Two beautiful, spirited children have come out of this blessed union; so have over 60 extra pounds of over-indulgence. People are always telling me (and one another) to not be so hard on myself, that Oliver and Isabelle are the reason for my body image sacrifices, and what could possibly be better than my own children, right?
This isn’t a comparison of them vs me. I would never trade them in for such an egotistical self-image boost. What I am simply recognizing and owning up to is the fact that I should be better FOR them. Depression hasn’t been a stranger in my life lately; it’s been very present. I’m like Eeyore around here sometimes. I hate looking in the mirror because all I see is a frown of fat, the most pitiful image of a girl I no longer know and don’t want to know. Yes, I know, it all sounds so depressing- that’s the point I have been trying to make.
You see, this was me maybe weeks before I met my future husband. I was still on a journey to my desired look and weight, but I was surely closer than I had been since my college years.
And this was me on Father’s Day this year. I’m standing on the stage with Jimmy, dedicating our daughter to the Lord, a joyous occasion, but the photo makes me sad. I don’t want to set an example that being lazy is good. And that’s how I feel. Lazy.
I could come up with 10 reasons right now with why I won’t do something about this:
- It costs time. I don’t want to be away from my kids.
- It costs money. Gym memberships can add up. Medical weight loss clinics are ridiculously expensive.
- It’s too hard. I’ll run out of breath.
- I’m too tired. When I do get a free moment, I just want to sit.
- I like to eat all the foods. Especially the bad ones!
- I like to drink beer. The calories though!
- I don’t want to go alone. Having a support system is so much better. But my husband can’t go at the same time because who would watch the kids?
- I don’t want to go to the gym my friends go to. My students also go there. No one wants that.
- It takes too long to lose the weight. Unfortunately, if things aren’t immediate, I get discouraged very quickly.
- I’ll only gain it back. Or more…
It’s all just my Eeyore honesty speaking. Maybe if it’s out there I can re-evaluate how ridiculous I sound. Maybe I can sacrifice for this. Maybe I can be better.
Maybe…
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
